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Non-virgins are more likely to be fooled into marrying the wrong person than virgins. Sex can blind you. So we need to examine our inner motivations for getting into BGR relationships other than sex drive.

Persons with premarital sex experience are less likely to be satisfied with their total sex life after marriage. You will never forget the first time you make love and therefore tend to compare.

Having sex before marriage can push you into a poor marriage. Often a couple become serious and think that they will marry, so they have sex, only to find out later that it was a mismatched. Yet bound by guilt or responsibility that they are pushed into marriage.

Having sex before marriage tends to spoil sex after marriage - either there is guilt, fear, and loss of self-esteem, or they cannot easily satisfy their sexual gratification and therefore look for wrongful ways to enhance sexual drive.

Ten Wrong Understandings about Love

A girl "owes" a fellow something for a wonderful evening - Love is not a trade.

Necking and petting are LK as long as it doesn't go any further - Necking & petting can progress into something else.

The time to decide how you will handle a problem on date is when the problem comes up - Decide now so that when time comes, you will be alert before any affections or emotions are given out.

Christians can date another person as long as he or she is a Christian - Christians dating Christians is a must, but not the only prerequisite.

Having strong feelings of love for someone is true love - Feelings are temporal. True love encompass a commitment and must be mutual.

Love at first sight yet exists - In most cases it is not true, as first sight is only physical attraction. One cannot see through the soul and mind of the other person.

Saying "yes" to a fellow and having sex with him will cause him to love and appreciate you more - Do you want your spouse to appreciate you only base on sex?

It is not wrong to have sex with someone if you love each other and have a meaningful relationship - No matter how much you love one another, even if the two persons are already engaged, premarital sex is yet a sin. God gives sex only to couples who are married as the most precious gift.

A good sex life is all that is needed for a happy marriage - Sex will enhance the bondage between a couple, but it is not the most important element.

Only "myself" will understand and distinguish true love and infatuation - The Chinese saying, "the person inside the incidence is blinded by the incidence" stands. You may like to eat durian but never realize the smell of durian can affect people around you.

Sound advice

Avoid living for the moment - marriage is meant for a lifetime.

Avoid living for good feelings - sense over sensibility, look for the facts.

Avoid sexual immorality - God hates sin. Caressing someone's body or kissing out of lust is the same sin as having sex.

Avoid getting into a relationship hastily - true love waits. Think about how many more years until you are going to get married to start this journey until death.

Avoid "following the crowd" - being single is perfectly fine. God has a purpose for you as a single.

Avoid marring with the expectation of changing the other person - only God can change a person's character. Doing it by yourself ends up in struggles and arguments for both.

Avoid living together to try out the compatibility - this is ripping off the privilege of your marriage life.

Avoid dating non-Christians - there are different goals. In most cases, the non-Christians will drag the Christian away from God rather than the other way around.

Avoid dating if you are not thinking of marrying - you are not only distracting yourself from the focus on God, but also affecting the life of another Christian. Also the possibility of broken relationship only brings scars in life.

What is true love?

Nobody yet understands fully the perfect love that resembles God's love, but we can learn more day by day. Therefore if you want to know how to love, the primary focus is to learn how God loves us and how we can love God.

How to Formulate Godly Relationship - 5 stages of relationship development

Fellowship
- In a local church environment with built in accountability for one another. Our responsibility at this stage is to stir up each other's faith.
- We relate to one another as normal brother and sister in Christ.

Friendship
- Sticking close to each other than a brother, with more opportunities to work and serve together with effectiveness.
- A stage of pure friendship and working partners, with no hidden agenda.
- Learning about each other in normal daily settings, such as behaviors/attitudes towards other people, dependability towards assigned works, consistency in serving God, response towards leaders' corrections.
- Observe how the other person handle difficult situation in life (work pressure, life crisis management, etc.)
- Develop freedom to correct each other.
- Develop in utilizing to the full extent spiritual gifting both on individual and partnership level.
- This is a stage whereby God refines the characters separately, in preparation not for marriage, but for spiritual growth and for service.

Courtship
- Do not engage in this level if you have no intention to get married!
- Jointly seek God's will together through prayer, consultation with leaders, observations of spiritual maturity and capability.
- Prayer - decide whether to formulate this special relationship by setting aside a period for prayer.
- Consult - a blessed relationship is not just between 2 people, but should be a blessing to all people around us.
- Be accountable to the spiritual leaders so as to protect us from making the wrong decision and unnecessary embarrassment (especially when love is one-sided), and to protect us from affecting relationship between brothers & sisters.
- Being accountable is to ask before making decision, not informing after making decision.
- Be honorable - commit the relationship entirely to God for approval before deciding to go ahead.
- Integrity - promise to keep the relationship proper, with maximum self-control and discipline.
- There must be mutual acceptance and appreciation in biblical (unconditional) way, and the goal is yet to serve God with undivided attention.
- This stage may take years, as God may need to test or further equip the individuals. Therefore patience is essential to wait for the right timing, especially if one party is still studying or immature.
- Does not necessarily ended up in confirmation and dating.
- If things does not work out, the two remain brothers and sisters without feelings of bitterness.

Engagement
- With confirmation from God, the couple already has a commitment to marry each other. It is only then the dating starts.
- Once engaged, the couple is regarded husband and wife, except having marital status.
- Guarding against sexual impurity is all the more important at this stage because the temptation becomes greater.
- Both people should continue to grow but with a direction of building up a family to serve together rather than separately.
- Continue to be accountable towards leaders, especially about inner thoughts, which may cause sexual impurity.